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No, this isn't the page where I point out all the typing errors I've done, but my mini-dictionary of some of the charming terms  and categories the music press invent because they're too lazy to bother describing music properly. If you want to add one, or if you have a term you think needs defining then please email me!

Avant-grunge, abj.: All music which sounds like Sonic Youth.
Cock rock, n.: derrog. (See 'Rock' and 'Heavy Metal') Any music featuring approximately a 50% ratio of riff to guitar solo.
Country, n. abj.: a) Similar to rock 'n' roll only typically appearing to have been made in an isolated shack in the deep south b) derrog. Similar to rock 'n' roll only featuring unneccessary inbreeding.
Dad rock, n.: derrog. Any music which your father, or other authority figure of a past generation, might listen to and think 'Hey, this modern music isn't bad after all!'. See also 'Retro'.
Dance, n. (abj. 'Dancey'): Any music which has some form of repetitive beat. Also any music made by people with computers. Any music not involving guitars or other 'live' instruments. Any music involving sampling.
Electro, abj.: Any music featuring the use of electronic synthetheizer, but generally without either a repetitive beat or vocals.
Emo, abj. (n. 'Emo-core'): Any music at all made in America which is not recognizably Nu Metal, but features loud guitars and screaming.
Folk, n. (abj. Folky): Any music at all which features the use of acoustic guitars but is not obviously 'Latin'.
Funk, n. (abj. Funky): a) Music featuring the use of a guitar and a wah-wah pedal. b) derrog. used ironically when referring to music made by caucasian individuals and featuring the use of a guitar with a wah-wah pedal. c) something which is not funky in any way at all.
Glam, n. abj. (also n. Glam Rock): Any music which sounds like rock, but features more makeup and persons of interterminate gender.
Grunge, n., abj. (abj. 'Grungey'): Any music made by people who are perceived as looking a bit rough. Features screaming and loud guitars. Replaced by 'Emo' since late-90s.
Hardcore, abj.: Any music which is perceived as being less happy than similar music of its type. Also music which is perceived as either having gone on for far too long, or as being quite angry.
House, n.: Music which has a repetitive beat, but is seen as being more happy than other dance music. Can feature guitars, providing they're sampled from a 70s funk record.
Heavy Metal, n. abj.: See 'Rock'. All music featuring men who are hairy or otherwise unattractive, and who play songs which comprise of repetitive song structures and unnecessary guitar solos. Often used ironically.
Indie, n., abj.: a) Brit. Music which features men with hair of approximately five inches in length who sound a bit like the Beatles, only not as good. b.) Amer. Any music which sounds a bit like Sonic Youth, but is not recognizably either  Nu Metal or Emo. c) Any at all music released on a moderately independent label.
Irony, abj.: Something which resembles iron or other hard metals.
Latino, abj.: Any music which sounds a bit Spanishy.
Metal, n. abj.: Music which sounds like heavy metal, but was made after 1989.
Noise rock, abj.: Music which sounds like Sonic Youth.
Nu Metal, n., abj.: See Heavy Metal. Any music similar to Heavy Metal, except made during the late 90s and featuring a minimum ten seconds of spoken whining instead of a solo.
Pop, n. (abj. 'Poppy'): a) Any music which might be bought by someone, b) derrog. Any music which is created solely to make money.
Punk, n. (abj. Punky, Punkish): a) Any music which sounds a bit like heavy metal, but is obviously produced for far less money. b) Any music which is angry but not self-pitying (For self-pitying, see 'Nu Metal').
Retro, abj.: derrog. Music which bears a strong resemblance to any other type of music made between 1950 and 1976.
Rock, n.: Any music featuring the use of power chords and riffs, typically played loudly and with some degree of distortion. Often used ironically.
Rock 'n' Roll, n.: Music featuring the use of guitars and blues-based riffs and typically made between 1950 and 1970. Often used ironically to refer to contemporary music.
Thrash, n. (also n. Thrash Punk, Thrash Metal): All  music which sounds like either metal or punk, but is played with immense speed.
Trance, abj. (also abj. Trancey): derrog. Music which features a repetitive beat and use of a keyboard, but not guitars, and is perceived as being irritating.
Wanky, abj.: Brit. Unneccessary use of guitar solos, etc. See also 'Cock rock'.
 

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