HOW
TO LEARN TO PLAY PROPERLY part two (BACK
TO PREVIOUS PART)
One of the things I've tried to stress so far is that
enjoying oneself while playing is more important than being musically correct.
Though learning to play is recommended, it is not essential, and several
very good bands have got along perfectly well without it. One of the things
which makes a lot of difference to such things is posture, or at least
whether you play sitting down, or standing up. It's much much easier to
play sitting down, and therefore when I want to play something correctly,
I sit. However not only does it look better if you're standing up, it's
also more fun.
If I had any fans, I expect they would ask me 'What posture
should one adopt while standing up, you mutherfucker?' To this I would
answer, 'One should adopt a posture which looks good, mutherfucker.' Generally
the best thing is to get your strap and lengthen it as much as is humanly
possible, so the guitar covers your genital region.
To illustrate this point, here are some oversimplified
binary oppositions:
What I'm trying to illustrate here is also the attitude one
should take towards a guitar. Compare the last two images above; in one,
the guitar player seems to be flaying his instrument, giving it a good
sound beating, as it were. In the other, the gentleman with the hat is
fondling it, staring at it lovingly. This is wrong. It might seem obviously
to say this, but sadly it is often forgotten that the guitar is NOT A WOMAN.
Making love to your guitar is not advisable, because making love to inanimate
objects is generally considered to be disagreeable in private and illegal
in public. A guitar solo is not the sound of an instrument coming to orgasm,
but rather the guitar player bringing himself to a messy and inexcusable
climax.
But
there are other, more general things to look out for. One of the main ones
is the deadly 'fat bloke with small guitar syndrome'. If you are large,
a very small guitar will look strange, and a larger guitar, such as the
two Gretsch semi-solids pictured above, would be more advisable.
