Across the planet, citizens of the world were shocked as Monday morning brought no unwanted letters advertising a new credit card, bank loan or mortgage, nor were there any promotional packets of unpleasant-flavoured chewing gum, expensive hair-care products or free internet trial CDs.

"I was stunned," claimed Barnsley resident Kelly Wood, 30. "Usually I'd get at least three letters regarding the possibility of maximizing my income to pay off my debts, plus there's that catalogue from the people who make stairlifts and those baths you can walk into. I mean, I just turned 30. I don't need this crap."

The world's internet community was similarly surprised to find their inbox was no longer clogged with unwanted e-mails. Internet-user and author of the popular online journal 'Hamsterface' Howard Liu, 22, voiced his surprise. "Usually I log on to find my account full of messages from weight-loss companies, dating services, teen porn sites and people offering to sell me a diploma. I mean, what're they trying to say? I'm fat, lonely and stupid?"

At a press conference yesterday morning, Commander Quincy Lillypanner of M15, 59, explained the sudden drop-off of unwanted missives.

"On Thursday the 17th of January 2002, and operative of MI5's special 'running around with guns and having sex' division uncovered the secret lair of the evil Doctor Spam. At this time we have not yet gleaned a full report, as Agent 066 is busy having sex with a beautiful Interpol agent somewhere near Hawaii. However from what we know so far, it appears Agent 066 found Dr Spam's secret base at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. From this location, the evil doctor was disseminating unwanted 'junk mail' to doormats, letterboxes and computer inboxes across the planet. Each missive contained a bio-engineered microsolider. At midnight, it was his plan to activate the secret activation code which would cause the microsoliders to utilize radioactive material present in the Earth's atmosphere, to suddenly grow to full size and obtain control of every household in the country.

"Thankfully for civilization as we know it, Agent 066 foiled Dr Spam's plans by decoding the anti-activation sequence at the very last second, thereby disabling the microsoliders and causing them to turn into a harmless ebola virus. I think the world should be very grateful, and as soon as Agent 066 gets back we shall be honouring him in a very secret way."

When asked how computers could be infected with a microsolider, Commander Lillypanner responded, "Don't be such a smart-arse."

Since the massive weight of junk mail was relieved from the postal services of the world, it is estimated performance has improved by over 100%. In some countries, a letter posted in the morning would reach another part of the country by the afternoon. Said Jon Barryson, 51, Director of British Postal service Insignia: "This is a marvellous event. The Postal Service would like to apologize for inadvertently disseminating biological microsoliders, but we would like to stress we hold no responsibility for it in any way."

Jerry MacEntire, 37, Spokesperson for the American Postal Workers Union commented: "While I'm sure we'll all agree this is a good thing, I've already heard talk from managment of workers being laid-off, because they're no longer needed now the postal service is so efficient. Well if that's the case, then myself and my fellow union members plan to hatch an evil plan to disseminate a whole new wave of junk mail from a secret base in the North Pole."

Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates was one of the first to voice his elation, "I think most people would agree it's about time we got rid of junk e-mail. When I invented computers and the internet, I never thought they'd be used for such purposes. I just thought it would a good way for people to play D&D online, plus not forgetting the amazing multimedia effects and shit you can do with new Windows XP, which I also invented."

Currently Dr Spam is being held in a secure facility on the West Coast of the United States. His lawyers have so far given only one brief statement: "Doctor Spam would like to assure people that it was in no way his intention to disseminate bioengineered microsoliders. That was purely accidental. It was only the doctor's intention to draw people's attention to super deals on automobile insurance, credit cards and holiday offers, to say nothing of the vast amounts of free promotional products he gave to the world. He would, however, like to apologize for all those 'you may already be a winner, you've reached the final stage of the draw' competitions. That was taking it too far."