At a heavily-publicized press conference attended by a journalist from this newspaper, an inebriated homeless man and two dogs, Special Ambassador to the UN Mr Momcilo Micovic, declared his attention for the Democratic Republic of O to be "no longer a minor player on the international stage ... for too long have my countrymen been ignored by the major powers."

When asked if he thought his country might be in part to blame for this lack of recognition, Mr Micovic responded; "While I would agree that the nationalist feeling which has dominated my country's politics for the past decade may well be in part to blame, I would also lay much blame at the feet of the international community. They won't let us join the UN at all, and we have made these little flags to put on our conference table as well. The People of O will not stand for this kind of thing."

After the break-up of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia a number of smaller countries were created, among them Serbia, Montenegro and the Republic of O. Says Mr Micovic, "Yeah, so everyone, they know about the Yugles and they know about the Slavs. But no one gives a shit about the Os, do they!"

When asked what means he had at his disposal to make O more renowned, Mr Micovic replied, "It is my belief that we would obtain more recognition if our flag was not so stupid. My brother Petrik, he makes all these little flyers and posters, so we had to let him design the flag. And we have an army."

Mr Micovic was then asked if he felt that there might be circumstances in which the Republic of O might conceivably consider war. "While the Republic of O is in principle a peaceful democratic state, let it be known that we are well armed and very patriotic." Mr Micovic was unforthcoming when questioned about his country's nuclear capacity. "We might have nukes, we might not have nukes. We do not feel that it is necessary to reveal these things at this moment in time."

The Ambassador was then asked if his country was in any way involved with the production of popular snack food 'Spaghetti Os'.

"What? You think that is funny? You think we do not have to put up with all this crap all the time? You fucking Westerners! You fucking ignore us, then you abuse us, you bastards! You do not even come to our country to take your stupid photos and build your Donald Mac Ronald restaurants! I fuck your mother!"

At this point Mr Micovic broke off the conference.