DAMN THEM!

I'm not exactly sure when, but in the past few years there's been an explosion of 'real life' TV shows featuring 'real people' doing 'real things'. Of course, there have always been members of the public on telly, but now it's different; because these aren't just people, they're 'REAL people'.

My first instinct towards this new trends was, 'Okay, cool. Rather real people than some ego-driven celeb with a coke habit to pay for. Death to celebrity!'. Hmm. But it didn't turn out like that. Quickly the real people became the celebrities with the coke habits, and became every bit as annoying as the fucking celebs. Actually, they just became celebrities, and quickly ceased to be real people.

But why do people want to see themselves on TV? Why would they rather watch some twat down the supermarket going on about his tedious life, than an interesting drama or documentary? Or even a fucking soap opera. At least they've got storylines. But, no, real people is what we want, you see. Well, I've got news for you, Mr TV Executive, I'm a real person, and I'm boring as shit. And so are all real people, because unlike actors, real people lack the ability to make a boring situation seem interesting.

The only fucking reason why 'reality TV' is so popular on the TV-Exec front is because these programs are cheaper to make than a Bangkok skin-flick. One twat with a video camera is all it takes to make this shit, and they don't have to pay actors or even presenters. Just follow some bastard around for a week, and then edit together the least dull bits. Bang! 30 mins of pure crap which people will watch.

That's why they're made. The question is, why are 'reality TV' shows so bloody popular? Well, I suppose people like to think that they could become celebrities, that they are interesting as well as being 'real'. And what's the result? 'Big Brother', the single most dull and pathetic program in the history of mankind. Put a load of preening, self-obsessed, irritating 'real people' in a TV set forever, and rake in the cash. Let's face it, though; Big Brother was complete crap until 'Nasty' Nick started taking the piss out of it. If anything it only went to prove that real people really are dull.

Well, so get rid of the real people. Then what are we left with? Jamie Theakson? Please, no! I personally hate celebrity, and most celebrities themselves, too. Actors are a different matter; because while a TV presenter is inherently a twat, actors (and other arty celebs, like musicians, writers and artists) are not egomaniacs by default. Tom Hanks might be a big fucking celebrity, but he doesn't seem like a twat. The difference is, he's an actor first and a celebrity second. Whereas, say, Jennifer Lopez is a celebrity first and a singer/actress second, or maybe third, after 'bitch-ass rap ho'.

So, I hate real people. Or rather I hate real people celebrities. They're wrong, but they'll be with us forever. Personally when my 15 minutes of fame comes up, I'm hiding.
  

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